Quick Movie Reviews: Enter the Ninja (1981)

One of the reasons I love this movie so much is that, if some blatantly uncoordinated 40-year-old white guy can become a ninja, then so can I. The white guy is called Cole, and he is so bad-ass that he has only the one name. Quick, is it his first name or his last name? Too late. You’ve been decapitated by his katana.

After acing ninja school in Japan, Cole heads to the Philippines to visit an old Army buddy, an alcoholic degenerate who can’t get it up for his hot wife. (There’s actually an awkward conversation about him not being able to get it up for his hot wife.) Guess who doesn’t have a problem getting it up for his army buddy’s hot wife? Too late. You’ve been punctured by Cole’s turgid katana.

Anyway, the army buddy needs Cole’s help to stop the evil businessman, Venarius (played by Christopher George in possibly the worst performance ever caught on tape), who wants the army buddy’s land, etc., etc. But the force is too strong with Cole, so Venarius recruits Cole’s nemesis from ninja school, Hasegawa (one name only, thank you), who hates  Cole’s guts because he (Cole) is so white and uncoordinated and has this ludicrous mustache but somehow became a ninja anyway. There’s a big fight at the end. Guess who wins? Too late.

You may now watch the trailer and Venarius’ death scene. And remember, lumbering white ninjas, “Always be strong enough to avoid bitterness, and use your strength to help the least fortunate.”

(Poster via movieposter.com)

2 Responses to “Quick Movie Reviews: <em>Enter the Ninja</em> (1981)”

  1. 1 leftylimbo March 9, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    Kuh-LASSic! Is this why all those Ninja things were “in” in the early ’80s? I actually didn’t see Enter the Ninja until later, but I sure as heck used to drool over those “ninja” catalogs that featured a whole assortment of shuriken throwing stars, smoke bombs, climbing spike things (you wore on your hands) and those ninja “tabi” boots (with that little slit thing next to the big toe so you could climb ropes, lol). Man, what boy in the early ’80s didn’t want to be a ninja? LoL

    I’m going to have to see this movie again. That ending was beyond wack, but funny as hell. Too many classic moments in that film! People got worked bigtime!

  2. 2 2W2N March 9, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    There was a movie called The Killer Elite (1975) that had ninjas, but this one really took it to a new level. Also around this time Frank Miller’s run on Daredevil was really popular, and Elektra was trained by ninjas. And yes, those ninja mags, but I don’t know when those started coming out. The covers are bloody fantastic.

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