Great Bad Trailers for Great Bad Movies: The Beastmaster (1982)

Yeah, I just transcribed the entire voice-over for you. Please do me the favor of passing it along and sprinkling phrases of it into your everyday conversation. For example, if your coworker Bruce says, “I can’t stand this goddamn job and I think my wife is sleeping with a man who wears a ponytail,” you say: “Bruce, you really need to conquer your fears, face the unknown, and discover the incredible link between man, animal, and all that is phantasmagorical.”

It was foretold by witches. It was conceived through sorcery. And it was to be destroyed by all that is evil. But the courage of one mortal saved it.

And so, into an age of darkness, in a time of mysticism, sacrifice, and plunder, there came the only light… THE BEASTMASTER.

Born with the strength of a black tiger, the courage of an eagle, the power that made him more than any hero… more than any lover.

He was lord and master over all beasts. (AAAAAWWK). He was THE BEASTMASTER.

Behold the wonder, the horror, the fantasy, the challenge of the one warrior they called… THE BEASTMASTER.

Marc Singer is Dar. Tanya Roberts is Kiri. Rip Torn is Maax. John Amos is Seth. Together they take us on a fascinating journey back into unexplored times.

Conquer your fears. Face the unknown. And discover the incredible link between man, animal, and all that is phantasmagorical.

In the world of dungeons, dragons, and Dar: THE BEASTMASTER: The epic adventure of a new kind of hero.

5 Responses to “Great Bad Trailers for Great Bad Movies: <em>The Beastmaster</em> (1982)”

  1. 1 lithicbee February 27, 2013 at 6:02 pm

    Marc Singer is Dar.

    That’s all I need to know. I’m in. Seriously, Marc Singer was the bomb in the 80s.

  1. 1 Video Store, 1986 | 2 Warps to Neptune Trackback on September 17, 2015 at 6:00 pm

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