Archive for March, 2012



1983 Sears Christmas Catalog: Lego Space, Crossbows and Catapults, and `Far-Away Worlds’

These are from WishbookWeb, an absolutely brilliant site where you can find beautiful scans of complete Christmas catalogs all the way back to the ’30s. Yes, my plan is to go through these catalogs (from the ’70s and ’80s, anyway) one page at a time and post the stuff I like and probably circled when making Christmas lists as a kid. (Click images to enlarge.)

Lego may be the single greatest toy line ever produced for kids, and Lego Space, in my opinion, is the company’s greatest achievement. We essentially built our own visions of life in space. Sure, the first time through we followed the directions and built what we saw on the front of the box, but after that the Legos went into giant Tupperware containers with hundreds of other Legos, at which point we relied exclusively on imagination. Unfortunately, Legos have always been too expensive. All the kids in my neighborhood would have to get together and combine Lego forces to produce our individual and collective masterpieces. Nobody ever went home with the same Legos they brought to the table. And that was okay.

I had a lot of fun playing (mostly with myself) Crossbows and Catapults, until all those goddamn caroms got lost. A hundred years from now, if the houses we grew up in are still standing, the inhabitants will still be digging these things out from the crevasses. And they would really fly, man, especially if you double-wrapped the rubber bands on the catapults.

It’s funny to see all the satanic D&D stuff (notice the Endless Quest books?) in a respectable catalog. I remember seeing the Star Frontiers ads in the comics of the day, but I never had it or played it (apparently some of the old folks still play it today). The Star Trek RPG came out in ’82, although I was too into D&D at the time to notice.

Sears D&D Poster by Larry Elmore (1984)

Elmore Poster Sears

(Via Grognardia)

Spider-Man Atari 2600 Commercial (1982)

I never had a 2600, but I’m sure I played this game, because I remember how frustratingly hard it was.

Mall Shots

These are a few shots from a Capital Mall car show in Jefferson City, MO, in 1987. Of course it’s the mall and not the cars I care about here. You can read the whole story at Neato Coolville.

I remember Musicland and Sam Goody, as well as a chain called Music Plus, and of course Tower Records, where I found all the good punk and post-punk imports.

Waldenbooks, the best mall book store in the ’80s. No Borders or Barnes & Noble yet. The best and biggest book store I remember was the Covina Book Store, which just happened to be down the street from California Comics. There was also a brilliant used book store in the area, where I first discovered comics, a whole pile of them for 10 cents each.

“Hey dad, can I go to the arcade? Please?”

“Don’t you want to look at all these cool old cars?”

“They’re just some old cars, dad. Can I have some quarters? Please?”

Arcade Cabinets: Star Wars (Atari, 1983)

star wars marquee

star wars side art

stars wars full art

star wars cabinet

star wars env cabinet

star wars lucas env cabinet-2

star wars lucas env cabinet

star wars game ad

star wars game ad-2

star wars game flyer

star wars game flyer-2

(Images via Vectorcade, webmonkees, Arcade Controls forums, link lost, Find Arcade Machines, Video Game Ephemera (x2), Retro Gaming, Hey Oscar Wilde!, The Arcade Flyer Archive (x2))

Quick Movie Reviews: Enter the Ninja (1981)

One of the reasons I love this movie so much is that, if some blatantly uncoordinated 40-year-old white guy can become a ninja, then so can I. The white guy is called Cole, and he is so bad-ass that he has only the one name. Quick, is it his first name or his last name? Too late. You’ve been decapitated by his katana.

After acing ninja school in Japan, Cole heads to the Philippines to visit an old Army buddy, an alcoholic degenerate who can’t get it up for his hot wife. (There’s actually an awkward conversation about him not being able to get it up for his hot wife.) Guess who doesn’t have a problem getting it up for his army buddy’s hot wife? Too late. You’ve been punctured by Cole’s turgid katana.

Anyway, the army buddy needs Cole’s help to stop the evil businessman, Venarius (played by Christopher George in possibly the worst performance ever caught on tape), who wants the army buddy’s land, etc., etc. But the force is too strong with Cole, so Venarius recruits Cole’s nemesis from ninja school, Hasegawa (one name only, thank you), who hates  Cole’s guts because he (Cole) is so white and uncoordinated and has this ludicrous mustache but somehow became a ninja anyway. There’s a big fight at the end. Guess who wins? Too late.

You may now watch the trailer and Venarius’ death scene. And remember, lumbering white ninjas, “Always be strong enough to avoid bitterness, and use your strength to help the least fortunate.”

(Poster via movieposter.com)

Starcade Prizes: The Bionic Chair

“Portable and lightweight, the chair rocks, rotates, and allows back support and total freedom of movement. A futuristic way to play—the Bionic Chair.”

I’m not sure what makes it bionic, but I would sit in this thing all day if I had one. My wife made me toss out my prized red velvet beanbag when we moved in together, so this would be a sweet revenge.

“Hon, can you take out the trash, please?”

“Sorry, hon, I’m in my Bionic Chair playing some old school Atari shit. Maybe next week.”

Quick Movie Reviews: The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982)

Sword Sorcerer Poster

Sword Sorcerer Poster-2

Thanks to the success of Conan the Barbarian and D&D, a huge number of knock-off sword-and-sorcery flicks were released in the ’80s, bless them all. The Sword and the Sorcerer, directed by schlock-artist Albert Pyun and featuring Lee “Matt Houston” Horsley as the barbarian who wields the infamous three-pronged sword, is one of the best.

The story is unimportant. When it’s not directly ripping off Conan, it makes little sense and is poorly told. I’ll just mention that there’s a heart-getting-ripped-out-of-chest-from-twenty-feet-away scene, a scantily-clad goddess (seriously, she’s hot), a slimy demon played by “Bull” from Night Court, killer atmosphere (everything looks and feels dirty, bloody, and anarchic), a grisly crucifixion from which our hero escapes by a highly unlikely method, and some great one-liners and sexual innuendos.

But let’s talk about the sword and why it’s the coolest weapon in the genre. Yes, geekholes, even cooler than the machine-gun crossbow in Hawk the Slayer (1981). I told you that it has three blades, which is indisputably awesome, but I didn’t tell you that it shoots those blades through the air with deadly accuracy. How it does so I don’t know. How it’s so accurate I don’t know. Who cares? Watch this movie. And watch the magic sword in action below.

UPDATE (3/12/12): Apparently stuntman John Hale (Jack Tyree) died during the filming of The Sword and the Sorcererafter he leaped from a 24-metre cliff and hit the ground… away from a cushioning air bag.” A lighting tech’s firsthand account of the stunt can be found here. I remember thinking this fall looked pretty goddamn realistic in the film, and I’m horrified at the possibility that the filmmakers left the scene in the movie.

(Poster images via movieposter.com)

Vintage D&D Ad (1980)

D&D Ad Overalls

Awesome, but what does it mean? He’s going home to play D&D by himself because the other kids are total dicks? You can’t DM yourself, buddy. I tried it, believe me. And the Basic Set had only one very short solo adventure.

Dungeons & Dragons Commercial: ‘Products of Your Imagination’ (1983)


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