Luke Skywalker “comes charging across the starlanes to do battle for the comely Princess Leia…” Comely?
Death Squad Commander “made every effort to capture Luke, R2D2, and C3PO as they tried to rescue Princess Leia from prison on Death Star…” There are no points for second place, Death Squad Commander. Your “laser rifle which will punch through metals” be damned.
Princess Leia: “Her neck moves! She is a true princess!” Among my criteria for Princesses is, in fact, that the prospective candidate be able to move her neck.
“Golden brown” Chewbacca “charmed half the galaxy with his cute and cuddly-deadly ways. He wouldn’t harm a fly, only a stormtrooper!”
You’ll find another hilariously written Kenner ad here.
(Image via kenyatabks/eBay)
2 Warps to Neptune 
Hold up. Artoo Detoo? See Threepio? Seriously? How did you miss that, 2WTN? We have come to expect more from your hard hitting, investigative articles. Your followers are crushed.
Actually, on all the first run Kenner toys (and most other merchandise), R2 and 3PO were written out phonetically as well.